on music, love, and dumping guys over their taste in music /
i’m not going to sugar coat it. i’ve dumped guys over their taste in music. i’ve actually walked out on dates because they made me listen to josh groban, or used air quotes when talking about minimal techno. once, i dumped a guy because he corrected the way i pronounced skrillex (i’m sure it was equally a dealbreaker for him because i don’t know or care how to pronounce skrillex). before you judge me too harshly, though, remember that it’s easy to let something you’re passionate dictate how you perceive other things in your life; i have friends who have broken up with quality people for less. music is the answer to almost everything else in my life; creativity, passion, sadness, anger, sketchiness, loneliness, heartbreak, guilt. so, why not love?
i’ll be honest. i take a lot of my advice from music. i’m starting to sound like a crazy person, but i swear i’m not a socially inept music obsessed audiophile with no shame (the embarrassing part is that i don’t even make music. i can play like half of the low part of “heart & soul” on the piano though. so i have that going for me, which is nice). it’s just something that i connect with on another level, and if you think i’m nuts, you’re one of the unlucky people who hasn’t experienced that. unfortunately for you, it also means we’ll never go out, which is clearly your loss. clearly.
last year, i broke up with my long term boyfriend; the first boy i’d ever really been in love with. our relationship had been destructive at best, but i spent weeks torn between second guessing my decision, and wanting to move on (as one does). i went to mexico for a week in january to attend the BPM festival, and on our last night in playa, in a rare moment of serenity between parties, my friends and i sat in contemplative silence as a new friend played a couple songs on the guitar. i requested a ben harper tune (obviously, have we met?) as it turned out, the only one of his songs that she knew ended up being my personal favourite, “walk away.” we sat there listening to her and trite as it may sound, i made up my mind in that moment; i let the lyrics of that song speak to me in a way i hadn’t ever before. surely it wasn’t a coincidence that on the night i needed it most, the answer was that song? in the end, walking away was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made.
maybe i knew the answer all along, and i just needed to hear it in that way. maybe. or maybe music knows us better than we know ourselves. i’ve had some of the most incredible moments of my life while listening to a song or dancing to a track or singing along at a concert. think about it. certain songs are so special, that when you listen to them, you are taken back to whatever moment they represent, down to the smell or sensation or feeling. that being said, if music doesn’t make you think about the person you’re with, doesn’t take you back to a moment with them, their smell, or the feeling you get when you’re with them…well, maybe it’s time to walk away.
okay. so the whole “dumping a guy for his taste in music” thing isn’t as black and white as it seems. it doesn’t really matter with the right person, but i wish people would stop calling music preference a pretentious or ostentatious dealbreaker in a relationship. it’s as much about my own taste in music as it is about his…my favourite songs have an effect on my relationships as well. let’s be real. it’s about more than whether or not your new boyfriend thinks yeezus was a stroke of artistic genius, but it’s also about more than just being a dick about music. i don’t tell people what to listen to (for the most part) and i try not to tell people why they shouldn’t listen to the music they like – every kind of music has its place. just, you know, not in my life, and certainly not in my relationships.